Insomnia Calls
by Axelkin
Summary: Ardyn Izunia doesn't get calls or texts from random numbers. He never gives out his number without making sure to get the other parties saved into his contacts. But now he's getting one late at night. Asking for nudes. Warnings inside.
1. Insomnia Calls

Synopsis: Ardyn Izunia doesn't get calls or texts from random numbers. He never gives out his number without making sure to get the other parties saved into his contacts. But now he's getting one late at night. Asking for nudes.

 **Warning**

Contains: Mild solo play, implied loose sexual preferences, and a tiny bit of language.

AN: This happened because of all those crazy peeps over at Ultima. They are terrible influences and this has been stuck in my head for the past week... so this is for them and our fearless leader Ryan (aka TheNightSkyPrince). Daddy wouldn't stop poking at my plot bunnies so really yall are all to blame for this.

* * *

Insomnia Calls

Leville Hotel will always be one of Ardyn Izunia's favorite places to stay. The lights rarely flickered and there was this metallic buzz in the air from the power plant that made the scratching madness in his head less noticeable. He even enjoyed the ride through the mountainside; Zipping along with the top down as he rode through the tunnel with the yellowed round bulbs blinking past quickly and crisp air in his lungs.

The city was this cheerful place tucked away from everything else. Here nobody seemed to take much notice to even Ardyn's favorite hotrod-red convertible rumbling into a parking spot next to the rusting town cars and brown trucks stuffed with hay. People just went about their business as if it were nothing out of the ordinary. It was almost comparable to Insomnia. _Except electricity runs dark half the time now and the metropolized roads wind in endless circles. It's surprising nobody gets lost in that God forsaken imitation of a Kingdom._ Yes, it was very well he didn't have to visit the taken Crown City often. Only when called upon by Emperor Aldercapt.

Ardyn groaned and sank into the armchair. The mossy green upholstery was a little worn but the cushions were still sound and didn't squeak under his weight. Thankfully he also held good repute with the owner and as soon as he called in ahead that he'd be stopping by for the evening there was a bellhop waiting to take his bags to one of his usual rooms.

The windows were already partially opened letting in just enough breeze through the same green colored curtains to make Ardyn forget he had been mucking around a swamp, of all places, for the better part of the morning and afternoon. _Those boys will surely be my undoing…_ Well, not exactly if everything else went according to plan. He kicked up his feet onto the nearby ataman ottoman as the bellhop showed himself out and tipped his fedora to cover his face. For a long moment he sat like that, motionless with his arms crossed above his head listening to the bubbling chatter and nightlife float up through his window.

 _Ah, has it been a while my city of solitude._ For he had avoided Lestallum the past several weeks due to festivals. Ardyn just didn't care for that kind of life. He had to resort to staying at the Quayside Cradle several times in a row. Not that anything was wrong with the hotel on the seaside. It just didn't fit his style. All the salt water made his scalp itch and skin feel dry.

The reverie slowly wore off and the reminder that he was still covered in grime and probably smelled like crocodile set in. What he needed was a good shower. Then perhaps watch some tv or ask the main desk who was on call tonight. Some bedroom company would help relieve some of those kinks starting to form in his shoulder blades. Smiling under his hat, Ardyn reached for his phone he'd set on the side table but realized that he had gotten in late as it was. The main desk had been vacant when he arrived.

Letting out a frustrated sigh as he left his hand laying on top of his phone in complete defeat. _I swear next time I see-_ His phone vibrated once causing him to tense up. It was a text. Nobody ever texted Ardyn first let alone this late in the evening. Perhaps it was just an email notification but the second reminder buzz thirty seconds later told him it was indeed a text. He almost ignored it. Because the only real person who ever texted him was Ravus. But if the Commander was texting him this late in the evening it might be important.

Picking up his phone and lifting up just the brim of his hat with a finger Ardyn looked at the screen. "What the fuck?"

Unknown number :Heeeey sweet Daddy send me some nudes:

The text read followed by a series of kissy faced emojis. He just stared at his phone. First and foremost Ardyn Izuna didn't get calls _or_ texts from random numbers. He never gives out his number without making sure to get the other parties saved into his contacts. _Yeeaah I should just ignore it._ But the idea of being persistently bothered for lewd photographs would end up driving him insane.

Ardyn :I think you have the wrong number.:

He nodded satisfyingly to himself as he sent back the message. Laying his phone on his chest, Ardyn let his fedora fall back over his face and sighed to himself. _Crisis averted._ Not that it was the most explicit thing anyone had ever asked him to send. A quirky smile spread across his face as he tried to remember the little redhead vixen's name when his phone buzzed again. He frowned when he saw that indeed the "crisis" hadn't been prevented.

Unknown number :Nah I don't think so Daddy Ardyn

Staring blankly at the screen he felt an uneasy chill run down his spine. _How the hell do they know my name?_ Okay, he was a hundred percent sure no one would give out his number without letting him know. Well, more like ninety-nine. Aranea was pretty feisty and was usually good at finding ways to annoy him.

Unknown number :So

Unknown number :About those nudes…

Ardyn :How did you get this number?

Unknown number :You gave it to me don't you remember

Unknown number :Daddy? (more kissy faces)

No, he didn't. That was why he was asking.

Ardyn :Oh really?

Unknown number :Mmmmhmm (winky face)

A long pause drawled as Ardyn tapped the side of his phone. Forget that this random person was asking for naked photos he wanted to know how the hell he didn't have their name saved. Honestly he couldn't think of anyone new in several months that he had exchanged contact information with.

Ardyn grinned, pushing his hat up enough to where he didn't have to hold it anymore. He did have to think. Whoever it was could be a minor. But he didn't know anyone that young. Even the so-called Chosen Prince was already twenty. So really what did he have to lose? In fact, maybe taking them up on it would scare them off.

Unhooking his vest to get to his shirt, Ardyn pushed aside his clothes. He closed his eyes and ran his free hand slowly over his sternum all the way down. Snapping open the buttons with ease and unlatching his belt. Leaving his hand partially down his pants so his fingers would warm up. Palming himself over his boxers in preparation. It had been some time since he'd done it himself. Usually if asked, anyone was happy to oblige the rugged Chancellor in most aspects that included his bed.

Hand warmed up enough to his liking, Ardyn carefully shimmied his pants down to his knees so not to accidentally catch himself uncomfortably. Taking hold of his growing erection, he slowly worked from base to tip, raising the beast inside. It was actually a little erotic in a sense and Ardyn briefly thought about videoing himself and sending that instead. _That would definitely shut up the little fly._ Or at least shock them into silence. He grinned mischievously and chuckled as he stopped. Holding his finally hardened dick in place he opened his camera and switched the view so he could make sure to get the shot just right.

With the flash turned off and already low light coming through the faded lampshade it almost looked filtered. Swiping at the screen to view it properly and check the angle. _It'll do._ A few more taps and the photo was promptly sent.

Ardyn looked down where he was still holding his stiff self and shrugged. Slouching further into the armchair, knocking his hat to the floor as he went back to work. _Might as well finish._ Because it was certainly too late now to try and find an actual hussy and even more pointless to clean up twice if he waited to do so after taking a shower. _At least now I'll be left to do this in peace._

* * *

"I-I don't think h-he's gonna reply."

Noctis jabbed relentlessly at his screen. He was only gone for ten minutes downstairs for drinks and left his phone on auto play on King's Knight to find Gladiolus typing away. "I certainly hope not." He frowned, answering Prompto's faux cheerful assessment. His best friend had a bad habit of stuttering a little when he wasn't completely sure. It was the same with the smile that usually accompanied it. But Noctis was too nice to break it to him.

"Indeed." Ignis agreed. Patting down his still wet hair and squinting at them since he hadn't put his glasses on yet. "What compelled you to even text such a lewd request to the Chancellor anyways?"

Gladiolus grinned from his seat across the room. "I already told Noct I thought it was Aranea's number."

"Whatever, yo." Noctis sighed, not believing it for a second. "Still not cool."

"C'mon, don't tell me none of you are curious now."

"No." All three replied at once.

"Not really." Of course Noctis knew each of them had their own reason. They didn't think he noticed. Not even Ignis as he gave the Prince a quick glance that he covered up with replacing his glasses.

"What's done is done." Ignis sighed and took up his seat around the table. "Shower's all yours, Gladio."

The bathroom door clicked shut as Gladiolus snickered and Prompto came over to console him. "W-well, hopefully he won't have to call any of us any time soon and wont figure out it came from you."

Noctis gave him a sideways glance that said otherwise just as his screen lit up. Tilting his phone over a little and directly into Prompto's view. He all but cried out in surprise, covering his eyes quickly with the back of his hand and jolting upright.

"What happened?" A shirtless Gladiolus poked his head out.

"What'ya think?" Noctis called out right before Prompto started calling their friend every name in the book.

Laughing, Gladiolus shut the door as Prompto continued to insult the plank of wood and the one behind it for scarring their Prince for life. How _dare_ he. Noctis shook his head, grinning as he looked the photo and messages over again.

"You are going to delete that right?" Ignis asked. Looking at Noctis over his hot cup of tea. The steam was starting to fog up his advisor's glasses deflecting any sort of motherly behavior he was trying to impose.

"Mmm, already did." He answered, tapping at the picture and making sure it got saved in the correct folder before showing Ignis that he had done just that. Because nobody else needed to know that he had compromising photos of each of them. It'd spoil all his fun.

* * *

AN: Now that this is all over with we can return to our normal programing and I can get back to my other projects. Thanks for tuning in!

Edit: Apparently now Ultima wants chapter 2... So, yeah. That happened. XD


	2. Insomnia Calls again

So not only did Ultima ask for a second chapter by I got threatened by bodily harm from the bestie if I didn't write it... This has become my life.

 **Warning**

Contains: Nudity, mild sexual content, non-con stripping.

There are no ships here. Everyone is just a bunch of sexual deviants imo...

Ardyn: (groans) We're doing this again?

Ultima: (grins mischievously)(Someone in the back: take it off!)

* * *

Insomnia Calls Again

Ardyn :Show me yours and maybe I'll indulge you again.

That had been four days ago in the morning after receiving a lewd request for potentially incriminated photos. At first Ardyn thought he had silenced the pervert on the other end. Until he woke the next day to find a new text notification with the words " _Only one? I thought I said nudeS."_ streaked across his screen with the "s" on the word "nudes" capitalized. For one thing, Ardyn wasn't much of a morning person and wasn't about to get good and frisky without some sort of motivation. Inevitably, giving his ultimatum would be a win-win. If they didn't want to be found out by sending some back then that was perfectly fine. If not… Well he'd have a little something for if there was no service somewhere.

Hours passed and into the next day and there was still no reply. Ardyn happily returned to his routine of doing what he did best: being aloof. With new Magitek being flown in daily, Ravus taking over most of the operations in Duscae and Loqi in the crown city there was not much for him to do but gently nudge all the pieces into play. Granted he could probably go wait in Altissia for Noctis to show up but where was the fun in all that? It was just too much _fun_ slowly winning the Crown Prince's trust that it'd just make the climax of betrayal that much sweeter. _Oh and it's so close I can almost taste it._

To pass the next few days he drove down to Wiz's and visited his Chocobo that he had brought over from Niflheim. It had been several weeks since he'd oiled the majestic gun-metal grey feathers and while he could trust Wiz to do it himself, Boko was finicky about letting someone else get that personal. Boko would ruffle his plume distastefully and sidestep any advances before eventually starting to preen himself meticulously while eyeing whomever. So grooming the fussy Chocobo was always a was a shameBoko was picky, because Ardyn knew that too would eventually come to an end. Just like the cat he used to own when he was a teenager.

It started to rain on his way back from the stables. Thankfully he didn't have to go far as Ardyn had checked in at the Three Z's for a couple of days. He hated driving long distances in the heavy downpour, which was what started to happen five minutes from his hotel.

Ardyn sat in his car for several minutes while considering waiting out the heaviest part when it became obvious that a storm was well on its way. The hotel still smelled of mild mold in the rain even though the wooden porch had been recently replaced. A thin lingering musk that made Ardyn glad he didn't smell like wet Chocobo in addition to the mildew and the heavy fresh pine gave it a slight kick. His room was slightly better as the owners made sure the roofing stayed sound the past several seasons and much of the furniture had been replaced recently. The smells of the forest inside dulled by comparison.

His poor hat had taken the brunt of the rain. It threatened to deflate and the brim bent as he took it off and hung it on the wall coat rack of his hotel room. _Maybe it's time to get a new one._ His favorite shop in Altissia had a wonderful selection.

The rest of his clothes faired only slightly better. Each layer of the wooly coat soaking up as much as possible from the sprint between his car and the hotel awning. Everything stuck uncomfortably in the humidity. Ardyn started to peel off the offensive clothing, stopping briefly as he noticed a visitor had invaded his space.

"What do I owe the pleasure for, Ravus?" The Commander made a face at Ardyn as he continued to remove his sopping wet jacket as if he wasn't there, tossing them in a heap on the table. He was going to have to take this set to the cleaners anyways now.

"Well at first I thought you were ignoring my calls and messages. Come to find out you just left it in your hotel. Risky business, if you ask me, if someone breaks in or the cleaner crew picks it up." Ravus waved his forgotten phone at him. Ardyn shrugged as he kicked off his now muddy shoes. He seriously doubted anyone was brave enough to do such a thing. "Why do you have random people sending you naked photographs by the way?"

Ardyn's interest peeked. "Oooh, is someone jealous?"

Ravus wrinkled his nose in disgust while handing the offensive device to him. "No."

In fact, Ravus continued to tell him all the reasons why he shouldn't have left his phone unattended as he rifled through his messages. Ardyn frowned. Not that the content sent wasn't decent enough, amateur but to be expected, each message was sent from a different and also unknown number. Obviously known to each other as each photograph was attached with texts like _"I heard you've got some scandalous material for us Daddy."_ and _"Yo yo, hit me up with some of that hot stuff too!"_. Yet none of it from the originator of the whole fiasco. He shouldn't be all that disappointed yet as Ravus continued to ramble on an idea occurred to him. With a quick flick of his wrist Ardyn's scarf wisped off. It was a little damp but would serve its intended purpose well.

"What are you doing?" Ravus tensed.

Ardyn slightly praised the Commander for not flinching as he leapt forth and slipped his scarf over Ravus's eyes. Tying it securely with deft fingers. He chuckled and caught the hand that tried to reach up and take it off. Ardyn leaned in closer and whispered. "Oh c'mon, you know you'd drop your pants for me." His voice dripping like the rain drumming on the panes of the hotel window. Precise yet liquid; leaving a thin trail of resonance as it flowed downward.

Ravus started to answer but the first clink of metal from one of the belts holding his coat closed snapped him into silence. Each one earning Ardyn a deeper breath of uncertainty until the whole thing could be unzipped. The reason behind why Ravus didn't wear a shirt under his white mantle would always baffle him.

Conviction seemingly chosen, Ravus reached for his pants buckle open without saying a word. Ardyn could only grin impishly, shoving Ravus by the shoulders until he fell on his back. The Commander was reduced to a state of intoxication by some sort of unknown status ailment. Reacting to it by pushing his pants down his thighs with one hand and tracing the lines of his hip bones with the other.

"Ardyn…" Ravus breathed, as if asking where he was.

He only chuckled as he tapped at his phone screen, capturing the photo to his liking. " _Two can play at this game. And until you can produce what I asked for this is all you get."_ The texted said as Ardyn sent it along to every unknown contact. Game or not, it was too easy to pass up. Taking another glance at Ravus reduced to a half-naked pawn in his bed.

"Ardyn? Hey wh-" Missing exactly what it was to be said as he strolled into the bathroom to remove the rest of his clothes and turned on the shower. "You _asshole_!" He vaguely heard over the running water and the buzz of his phone going off on the sink counter. Laughing with pleasure at the new photo sent by the original number.

Unknown number: Don't be like that Daddy. We all know what you want.

Setting down his phone with the message open he proceeded to remove the rest of his clothes. Oh his shower was going to get that much better tonight.

* * *

Noctis almost never thought about seeking revenge. Let alone against his brothers-in-arms. But they just wouldn't let it go. Even Prompto teased him about how it was so easy to swipe the Prince's phone. So he decided that not only was he going to exact the perfect payback but get a little something out of it. It took several days to plan everything just right.

Two and a half whole days mucking about in a cave didn't help progress his attempts but certainly gave him time to perfect how he was going to do it. If they were going to mess with his stuff, well so was he. On the way out they stopped at the house in Cape Caem giving Noctis the perfect chance to carry out his scheme. Sneaking about to snag each of their phones to send the incriminating evidence at hand. Of course he'd make sure to delete the messages so none of them would be the wiser.

Surprisingly enough, Ignis was the hardest one to get a photograph of but the easiest to snag his phone. Of all the years of spending so much time with, and even living with temporarily, Noctis had only ever seen Ignis without a shirt on twice and once caught him fully nude. It had been late, the bedroom lights turned off so when Ignis stepped out, only the light of the bathroom illuminated behind him. His advisor had been concentrating on drying his hair and looking for his glasses that he didn't even notice Noctis was in the room. He almost bolted right then, just to elevate the conversation of the importance behind knocking and decency. But he couldn't help snapping a quick picture of a squinting, naked Ignis standing in the doorway. And just like the devious catch, Noctis was able to snatch the phone away for a few minutes while Ignis was downstairs cooking.

Prompto was easy. His friend always preening in front of the mirror even when he didn't think anyone was noticing. Thirstressmonthly would have a field day with the scanty shot of when Noctis caught Prompto dressing, still pulling up his underwear and bending over to pick up his shirt. The best part was that it was the perfect angle where it left just enough to the imagination but showed off the muscle curves just right with a hint of what the pretty boy was hiding. Patience was this vice's virtue as Noctis waited for the opportune moment where he knew Prompto would charge his phone, leaving it for the right conditions for his taking.

Last by not least, Gladiolus. Slept like the rock of a body he was. Including what he packed below. It came as no surprise to Noctis after the first few nights camping in Duscae. The man was all muscle and liked to sleep without a shirt. A lot of the times without covering up in his sleeping bag either. Unless it was just too ungodly cold outside. All it took was one sleepless night for Noctis and a gentle tug of the waistband to reveal it all. Perhaps the best photo of all of them due to space constrictions oddly playing to his needs. This made for the irony that Gladiolus was the hardest to slip past. Only barely making it by chance that he had accidently left his phone on the table upstairs while helping his sister set the table. The heavy footstep creaking up the old steps giving him all but a few seconds warning to change out of the message screen.

"Heeey, whatchya doing with my phone there buddy?"

"Hmm?" Noctis looked up innocently at Gladiolus standing a few feet away with his arms crossed and eyes narrowed. "Oh, just looking at some of your character stats. I was just curious about what you were running on your current team."

Gladiolus didn't look convinced even when he showed him the screen. Handing it back without being asked. Calculated eyes scanned over his phone as Gladiolus obviously started going through it skeptically. There was nothing to worry about as the deed was cleanly prepared. All the way up until his phone buzzed in his pocket. A few seconds later, Gladiolus's chimed. He made a strange noise in the back of his throat as he stared speechlessly at his phone. There was a high pitched scream somewhere in the house that could only be Prompto and it made Noctis's mouth go dry. Not daring for a moment to look at his phone. The shock wore off and the cold glare replaced it.

"What?" Noctis asked. He could hear someone coming up to the room and started looking for an exit. The window was closest but he didn't even know if it could be opened since it was so old that the paint could've rotted it shut.

"Noct?" Ignis inquired as he entered the room. "Would you happen to know why Prompto and I received a photo of Ravus?"

 _Photo? Oh Shiva no._ Now he really dare not look at his phone which was buzzing a reminder of the unread message. "I-I don't."

"Oh I think you do." Gladiolus' stance told him that the lion was about to pounce and he better be ready. Slowly getting up and brushing his shirt nonchalantly as if nothing was amiss. "Let's see your phone."

He almost made it. But the window was indeed rusted. The whitewashed paint chipped away as Noctis tried to pry it open. Flakes were sticking all over his hands as he pushed upward as hard as he could. Gladiolus caught him by the elbows and held him firmly. "H-hey! Let go, Gladio!" A tightening grip on his attempt to escape kept him in place as Ignis pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"So… I'm going to take a wild guess and say you managed to get ahold of our phones and send our dear Chancellor incriminating evidence of some sort. Judging by the locked content on yours." Ignis raised an eyebrow at him. "What do you think, Gladio?"

"Oooh, yeeah." He did _not_ like the sound of that. There was too much sultry in Gladiolus's voice for comfort.

"Wait! What-" Noctis yelped as Ignis started unbuckling his belt and yanked his shirt up to his shoulders where Gladio held it in place. They weren't gentle as his pants went down to his knees. His breath was short and ragged from full-on panic.

"Hey look!" Gladiolus chuckled, leaning over to glance down at his partial nakedness. "You _do_ have some muscle. Just not as much as me."

Noctis gave his best glare from the awkward way he was being held up. The sound of a photo being snapped by Ignis just as Gladio started to laugh. A few seconds later, he was sure Ignis had sent off the racy picture joining in on the humor and chuckled himself. "Don't get too _excited_ there, Noct. You should probably save that for later when he sends you more." There was no living with them after this. Luna was sure to hear about it in the years to come and he was doomed.

* * *

AN: Dear Shiva help me...

Ravus: I told you to leave me out of this.

Ardyn: Well they didn't specify who's nudes they wanted...

(Ultima: Yes we did!)

Noctis: I didn't have anything to do with it I swear!

(Photo flash)

Ignis: (Saves photo under "incriminating evidence goes here")

Ardyn: (to Ignis) Hey now, sharing is caring.


End file.
